here's where youre thinking, "oh dude, thats not that bad". whether that's a result of the yellow background or the fact that she's hot, it is irrelevant, because it IS that bad. so to ruin whatever fanciful idea you were having about Chilean style, look at this:
Alright, before we move on. i have a few questions.
-are those tighty-whities?...are they on backwards? is that a denim cut off shirt, or just a blue dress shirt? is it a shirt at all? because it doesnt look like it has buttons. What's the knot for? What exercise is that? is that called the horizontal bench press? what muscle group does that work? Doesn't that strike anyone as horribly dangerous? Should I ask Graham what exercise that is? Why do people think that tights count as pants? do GW girls use pictures like these to justify that kind of reasoning? is that phenomenon only limited to GW? even if they do use pictures like this to justify wearing tights like pants, i dont see her wearing uggs, or a northface fleece. i guess she's wearing a headband, so i'll give you that. Does this remind anyone of the first N'SYNC music video where Justin Timberlake and another member of N'SYNC that never did anything after N'SYNC so everyone forgot his name are working out and give each other high fives before a quick scene change to a basketball court? Is that whole room that she's in made of black floor tile? what is this? Tron? What is that guy doing in the background? we both know that its dangerous to play on heavy equipment while someone else is using it. Should I stop asking questions? Is Graham ever going to see that i referenced him in a blog? is he going to catch that I was making fun of him? Am I ever going to be able to stop thinking Gra-H-am when i type his name?
I'd like for you to notice that the girl in the picture above has the side of her head shaved. You're thinking, ohhh how edgy (Hi nadine). perhaps. But is it attractive? if you thought yes, please step out of line, you've been disqualified. for those of you still with us, since we agreed its not attractive, WHY would an entire population of young women decide it was a good idea. How about really short bangs? no one?...sometimes i just dont know how to react. Call it culture shock. call it common sense. I just dont have words right now.
But now i have words.
no, we're not going to comment on the flak jackets or the colored camouflage. OR ARE WE. no we're really not. its hard to type when im laughing. but notice the Chicago Blackhawks logo on (again, i dont know his name. shoulda done an album with Timbaland. or a Facebook movie. maybe we'd know who you were.)'s pants? you gotta know that he doesnt know who they are. theres no way theres a hockey fan hiding under multicolored camouflage....
I digress.
Santiago is an amazing place. It must be, for all the concerts that they put on here. Artists must be dying to come to Chile. Or just dying.
When i say this is where Rock and Roll comes to die, i mean that. literally. It's not everywhere in the world where you see a huge public-transportation-wide propaganda campaign aimed at promoting an Iron Maiden concert. They weren't even that good when they were popular. were they even popular? When was that? arent they mostly all dead? how about Motley Crew. if they're not all dead, why not? i swear the picture for their south american tour was taken 30 years ago.
Let's take a look at recent or upcoming concert headliners:
March 21- Journey
April 8- The Beatles. ok. we KNOW they're all dead. you cant call a show "the Beatles" when its just Paul McCartney. thats like saying THE REDSKINS ARE PLAYING, when you see Joe Gibbs on the street, carrying a football.
April 14 - Iron Maiden
May 14 - Motley Crew (no but really. why wont they die?)
July 21 - Limp Bizkit
July 24 - George Klinton and the Parliament Funk Delic (how do these guys keep hanging on?)
July 27 - Public Enemy
July 30 - Blind Melon (hey! they made it! dude thats awesome we should totally go to hear that one song that they have with that thing about the rain and there not being any of it or whatever!-- thats like going to a Sister Hazel concert where they open and close with the same song "All for You")
October 16 - Eric Clapton (respect)
Nov 10 - Guns 'n Roses. Axl's dead. he was the only cool one. he only had one vowel in his name but somehow two syllables. just let good times be good times. why do you have to come back and ruin it like michael jordan on the wizards?
Nov 11 - Creedence Clearwater Revisited -- They are so old that they cant be called REVIVAL, cause that would just be wishful thinking. under the promotion poster it lists the members of the original band that are coming. Two. Two of them are coming. thats not Creedence. thats blasphemy.
Limp Bizkit? what? I've started to think that, when venue directors are looking for concerts, they go to random places in the US (like Jacksonville) and ask people on the street. Here's how i imagine the booking conversation goes.
"hola, whats your name"
(recovering from heroine induced slumber) "Fred Durst"
"Do you tienes a band?"
"yeah"
"are you popular?"
"no."
"but WERE you popular?"
"oh yeah. like in the 90s."
"well thats a lot more recent than Foreigner. and their show sold out. wanna come to Chile?"
To be fair Lollapalooza came to chile. it was a good time to see that I was the only one in a crowd of 10,000 people that could say all the lyrics to Kanye West's "All Falls Down". its also cool to be in a population where the average guy is 5'6". you get a pretty good vantage point from anywhere. it's not as cool, however, when Kanye says "put your hands in the air" and you and the 40 other english-speaking gringos there are the only ones doing it.
Alas, I'm done complaining. So i leave you with this:
ohh maaan justin, how much do you wish you could forget THAT phase...
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